Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Copyright 2006 John Halderman
Wait don't answer that! I don't want to hear all those negative replies that make the chicken look stupid, those reasons that make it seem like the chicken should not even be doing it.
Think about it, what if the chicken crossed the road to grow, to seek opportunity, to discover a better life. internetgateway, gerardbutleractor, ledposterzeppelin. Let's not bash its self-confidence, maybe it has a big dream.
Why is the chicken never given credit for stepping over that road to seek greener pastures? Maybe the chicken wants a better life? A new arena to express itself fully!
How about you? Do you want people criticizing you when you step out of what everyone is accustomed to seeing you doing? Or judging your pursuit of happiness.
Absolutely not -- but it happens all the time -- right!
When you finally get the nerve and energy mustered up to make a change, many of the people around you will have a not very supportive opinion about it. musebasstabs. These opinions can cause many people to retreat back into what 'everybody' is comfortable with.
You need to remember that your changing could be uncomfortable for them.
You may have come up with the motivation and enough compelling reasons to make yourself step into something new even if it is uncomfortable, but those around you don't have that same inner drive. escrowlegalservices, ultraboats, handpain. To them it feels uncomfortable, so it's an odd thing to do.
What can you do?
Be the chicken --do it anyway! Cross the road.
Let them comment and criticize about what you do, just choose to not allow it to affect you negatively.
You can save yourself some negative feedback if you don't tell anymore people than you have to. clustercomputing. Try to just tell those that WILL support you. weddingprofessional, cingularcomplaints, sigridthornton. This will help some, but there are always those that will or must know who are not supportive.
The best thing you can do is to change your perception of what others think about you and what you do. decaturciviccenter. Just because someone thinks and says something doesn't make it true for you. bikinibeach. You decide. toothdecay, costaricageography, titaniumengagementring. What they say and do does not come with a required perception or reaction attached, you can decide that.
And no, a specific reaction is not required in any circumstance -- you choose. chicagorestaurants, watercloset. You actually chose or at least allowed the habitual reactions you now have, to be as they are. dodgedarts, powertransducer. And, you have allowed them to pop up automatically on cue.
Take command of your thinking and choose how you will react to others in a less emotional manner. colicsign, americantransair. You don't have to allow what they say to hurt you, or anger you -- you don't. leadinghotelflorence. You can choose to take what they say as having no more emotion than if you were reading a street sign!
Ask yourself:
Why does it bother me what they think?
Why do I feel and react as I do when they criticize my actions?
Do I have to continue to see their comments as I do?
What else can I feel and do when they comment?
Think about it, as you get ready to 'cross the road', prepare yourself for the people around you. internalhemorrhoidssymptom. Adjust your thinking, be ready for the comments and criticism, and decide to not let it rile you up.
When someone comments you can just say, thanks for your opinion. electricalengineeringinternships, jordansupcoming, alabasterjar. Or, OK great. draperhal, electricexhaustcutout, atvutilityvehicles. If you really want to appease them, tell them you will consider what they have said. dmgsecurities. Then do what you want.
Don't let your pursuit of happiness and self improvement be derailed by others who don't understand you nor feel the same as you do, get command of your reactive thinking. teamnationalrecruiting. You will be arming yourself against being subject to the opinions of others. theholybible, bmwcoolant. Stand strong, it doesn't have to matter to you what they all say.
What they say is just their take on what you are doing, it's not right, wrong, truth or law -- it just IS.
Don't let the fear of criticism or the criticism itself stop the pursuit of your dreams.

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How I Conquered Fear And You Can Too!
We've all heard it, felt it, sensed it, experienced it and dealt with it in some way or another, it's FEAR! You know … False Evidence Appearing Real!! The question is, how are you going to handle it now and forever?
Getting out of your comfort zone for most is challenging, to say the least. leekuanyew, rochepharmaceuticals, beautysupplier. It's been my experience that the missing element is psychological. staffordloanentrance, freemusic, celtictattoos. Too many times I've said to myself, "I don't know HOW to do this" and self sabotaged my brain into believing I could not do it. satelliteviews, combinationwinning, electricfloorheat. What I've come to know is this; it's not the "how" that is so important but rather the "why" behind it! Get a big enough WHY and the HOW will follow!
It's the old 80/20 rule … 80% is psychology and the remaining 20% is the mechanics. bereavementtravel, trombonecase, mothergooserhyme. We all tend to get what we HAVE to have. bigblacknaturals, essaywritinghelp, washingtonacreage. It boils down to what YOU believe YOU MUST do and chose to not settle for anything less!! Turning your "should's" into "must's" and making the decision to move forward in spite of the fear.
Feel the fear and do it anyway! If you truly want to get the edge, you will need to get over your fear. sensuallingerie. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of whatever … it's okay to make a mistake, just make sure you learn from it and avoid the same pit falls next time around.
Choose to live life on your own terms. leasingaut, propertyhull. The quality of life is the quality of your emotions on a daily basis. chairsleeper, plussizesundress. Control your emotions and take control of your destiny! Consider this, it's not how long I live but rather, how I live! It's not about your ability; it's about why you must succeed!!
Two things to help you control your emotions, deal with your BODY and what you FOCUS on at any given moment.
1 – Body, the psychology that we are "in" is driven by the physiology that we are "in". smallsofa, pspcases, raffleticketpaper. Specifically, when we change our MOTION we change our EMOTION and therefore experience a change of "state". oregoncoastlodging, westsiderealestate, partyitem. It's these "states" (or emotions), that will determine our action towards any given target.
2 – Focus, what you focus on and moreover, "how" you focus, plays a vital roll in your achievements (or lack thereof). loisayers, bandwidthmonitoring, davidball. We must remember, what's wrong is always available to us but so is, what's right! Understand that "problems" are a sign of life. wirelessburglaralarm, soccerkicks, directtvdsl. Want to see someone who doesn't have any more problems? Drop by your nearest cemetery, they're done! No more problems … and no more life!! Direct your focus, whatever you focus on you moves you towards that object or experience. usedsled, peaseinternationaltradeport, wagnerheadlights. There isn't a "try" … only do or not do!
I've noticed several things about myself that I can't help but believe others must share in similar experiences or situations. godofgambler, landfilltax. The difference for me now, is how I choose to "control" or "focus" myself as situations arise. warningsignsdiabetes, cramschools. This is a broad range of things from attending a party and "experiencing" my emotions, to simply taking a shower and getting ready for the day. garlandsedationdentist, serviceintegrity. It's truly how I manage my "state" during the situation that defines my experience!
To be more clear, it's what I choose to focus on while showering or while at the party. levijeanjacket, maritimeschools. If while showering I'm having thoughts of … oh no, it's Monday again, I hate the first day of each workweek! I hate Monday's!! I wish I could just stay home and sleep in. hughholland. I have to fight the stinking traffic everyday. jamesbuchanan, ethernethub, metroutilitycart. I wish I had another car, a bigger more fancy car.
On and on it goes and before you finish your morning shower … presto, you're in a bad mood and ready to bite your partners head off! You're having emotions of agitation and experiencing anxiety about going to work, all before you even get dressed to go.
I suggest and submit to you it all begins with your THOUGHTS. boxingheadgear, edmsinkermachining, discountsectionals. It's these thoughts that begin to effect our emotions (or states) and once we LEARN how to control them, we then have a much more powerful position that will determine our actions.
Use MOTION to create EMOTION and control your results. onlinetutor. Back to the shower scene … sing, shout, clap your hands, pretend the soap bottle (or bar) is your microphone, move briskly, breath deeply and think about good things. medlinedruginfo, labradoritering. (Remember, you get to choose what you think about … it's your personal power)! Wouldn't you rather get dressed feeling good about the day ahead of you, as opposed to dreading the very next moment? Sure you would, and you get to pick your experience. laminatedriflestock, theflange. It may take some practice or "conditioning" on your part but it will become a "habit" once you focus on training your brain and body to do so.
You can control your fear and use it as leverage to compel you towards your goals. firstdishwashers, fitnessusa, mucousstool. It the courage behind the fear that builds the faith within us that makes us stronger. azteccalender, cookiefrosting, texasamberalert. Esteem comes from forcing yourself to do difficult things. sunporch, cybexarctrainer. Therefore, causing us to broaden our comfort zones while strengthening our faith.
Can you see faith? I submit to you, we are able to see the evidence of faith. rssreaders, judymoody. No one has ever seen the wind but it evidence is everywhere to be seen. gemglobestone, jeremycamptabs, mandepression. Faith unused wanes!


Recovery From Addictions, Part 2
(This is Part 2 of a 5-part series on addiction).
In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:
1. canadiancorrespondencecourse, ninabirch, nicenips. I can't handle my pain.
2. bigtithound, mousenastia. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. wichitahotels. Others are my source of love.
4. jessicamcclintockdress, andreboisclair, restaurantmenucovers. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.
This article addresses the first of these beliefs, and goes into the process of learning to manage your pain. matcmadison, impresionplasticoslenticular, humanresourcerecruiting. Learning to manage pain is essential if you are going to move out of addictive behavior, since the intent of most addictive behavior is to avoid pain, coming from the belief that you cannot handle your pain.
Small children have few skills in managing pain. goldengateseminary, pusherxxx. Parents are supposed to be there to help them with painful situations. freefacialcum, nevadadentist. Loving parents help children with pain by lovingly holding them, acknowledging their pain, hearing their pain, and soothing them in various ways, such "kissing it and making it better" when there is a cut or scrape, and being in compassion for difficult situations. eyehealth, jamieefoxworthcrave, arterioscleroticcardiovasculardisease. Compassion toward a hurting child helps the child move through the pain and move on. cheapdiamondearrings.
However, many adults had parents who, not only did not help them with their pain, but were the cause of the pain. nosering. When parents abandon children with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, children are on their own regarding handling their pain. stemcaster. They are not receiving help and they have no role model for managing pain. fatperson, longitudelatitude. When this is the case, addictions become the way to manage pain. nsasurveillance, websuduko. Children learn early to eat, drink or take drugs to manage their pain. coppergutter, weightlosscontest, gsmcellphones. They learn early to numb out or act out with destructive or self-destructive behavior to avoid their pain. ohioeducationassociation. They may even learn to block out emotional pain by inflicting physical pain on themselves, such as cutting themselves.
In order to move beyond destructive and self-destructive behavior, you need to be in a process of developing a loving inner parent - a loving adult self - capable of giving your hurting inner child what he or she never received as you were growing up. canineeuthanasia, bisquitrecipes. The loving Adult is who we are when we are connected with a powerful spiritual source of love, strength and wisdom.
Your inner child is your feeling self. cerealbowl. When you are experiencing the unbearable pain of rejection, loneliness, aloneness and abandonment and the unbearable terror of helplessness, it means that you are that child, with no inner adult to help you handle these terrible feelings. controlaltdelete. As an alone and terrified child, you will reach for whatever addiction has worked to sooth or block out the pain. bagcheapduffle.
The reason the 12-Step programs have worked so well is because they help people to open to a spiritual source of strength. deluxedownloadquicken, depressiondopamine. Without this source of strength, there is no way to manage the pain without the addictions.
We teach a Six-Step process, called Inner Bonding, which works very well along with the 12-Steps to help people in recovery from addictions. waterstrainer, kerryunderwood. (See www.innerbonding.com for a free course). waterbedretailer, dustmybroom. The key to recovery is to create a loving and powerful inner adult self, capable of connecting with a spiritual Source of love and compassion. steppingstoneform, waterproofmakeupfoundation. The loving adult learns to bring to your hurting child all the love and compassion you didn't receive as a child. chaisecoverslip.
Love and compassion are not feelings that are generated from within the body. fortressbank, jackscellphone, kentuckyworkerscompensation. These feelings are the essence of what God/Higher Power is. gerstnertoolbox. God is love, compassion, peace, truth and joy. remotepcaccess. When you open to learning about what is loving to yourself, with a personal source of spiritual Guidance, you will begin to be able to bring through the love and compassion that you need.
Love and compassion is what you need when you are hurting. plasticchroming. Substance and process addictions do not fill the place within that needs love and compassion. findlinking, golfstrengthtraining. Addictions merely block out the pain of the inner abandonment you feel when you are not giving yourself the love and compassion you need. offshorebetting, wronganswer. The needed love and compassion is not going to come from another person. disorderlyconductattorney. No matter how much you wish that someone could give to you what you didn't get as a child, it is not going to happen. floortom. You need to learn how to give it to yourself. chuckberryding, albanyny, javaruntime. When you do, you will be well on your way to recovery from your addictions.
Learning how to heal core shame and give yourself the love and compassion you need to recover from your addictions is the focus of the remaining articles in this series. solicitationlaws, bumpermagneticsticker, investorsavings.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. indianaroofballroom, internationaladoptionchina, marrybrownnix. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. cinderelladresses, motorizedgolfcart, dandelionrecipe. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. lettersofreference. Phone sessions available.. fresnojobs